


How I Met My Boyfriend on Queer Eye (warning: super gay)

by danhoweiis, twoheadlights (fizzfic)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, dan is a disaster gay, phil is confident gay, queer eye AU, rom-com nonsense, the dnp/queer eye au no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 14:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19929259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danhoweiis/pseuds/danhoweiis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfic/pseuds/twoheadlights
Summary: au where dan is a hero on queer eye and accidentally falls in love with one phil lester





	How I Met My Boyfriend on Queer Eye (warning: super gay)

**Author's Note:**

> fizz: so back in july 2018, us and [rhys](http://twitter.com/Smartinis) went a little crazy and started a conversation about a possible scenario where dan was on queer eye and a year later, we've gone and done this! it's been so much fun playing around with this au and coming up with concepts and there's no one else i'd rather write it with
> 
> charlotte: *clears throat* one might say fizz is my fic writing companion through life or my actual writing soulmate. this fic has been a literal year in the making and we hope we did the fab 5 justice and we hope u enjoy
> 
> we really hope u like it, kudos and comments are v much appreciated<333 also!!!!!!!!!! how amazing is the new season tell us ur fave episode

_New upload from Daniel Howell: How I Met My Boyfriend (warning: super gay)_

_“Hello internet! (lol). So it’s been a week since my episode of Queer Eye aired and I gained about 50,000 subscribers which is frankly terrifying. Hi by the way, if you’re new. If you subscribed expecting to see a fully functional human being talk about his life and share advice you came to the wrong place. Anyway, during filming I met a guy...a really nice guy and it was overall a very weird experience for me, kind of surreal if I’m honest and so I thought what better way to share some intimate details of my life than by sharing it on youtube where potentially thousands of people can see it and judge my life choices. So, it all started on that first day of filming. Many, many, many months ago…”_

-

It was a rare Tuesday morning that Dan wasn’t working. Oliver, his best friend, had insisted on taking him out for brunch at this new hipster looking coffee shop that apparently made ‘the best coffee in Manchester.’

“This shit’s expensive Ol, how much money do you think I have?” Dan asked, his eyes scanning over the menu.

“Think of it as my treat.”

“For?”

“For being an all round amazing friend who I love and appreciate.”

Dan eyed him suspiciously. “You’re not gonna propose are you?”

“How did you guess?” Oliver said, a cheeky smile on his face.

They ordered and Dan hated to admit that the coffee really was incredible. A million times better than from the coffee-chain-that-rhymes-with-barschmucks where Dan worked. He’d ordered himself pancakes topped with Greek yoghurt, granola and berries and he practically salivated over the table when the waiter placed it in front of him.

“See, told you it would be worth the money.” Oliver said as he tucked into his own breakfast of pancakes with golden syrup.

“This may be the best thing I have ever and will ever eat.” Dan said, taking a large forkful into his mouth.

( _"How come you’ve never taken me here? Also, this is so_ boring _. When am I gonna come in?”_

 _“I’m setting the scene! The people need context. They need plot and character arcs Phil! Anyway...”_ ) 

“You don’t have to pay for my food Oliver, I have the cash.”

“Dan. I said it’s fine, let me pay.”

Dan rolled his eyes in resignation just as he heard a commotion by the door. There were raised voices and people standing up with phones, crowding around the entrance.

“What the-” Dan started, just as the crowd parted like something from a cliche rom-com and the fab five made a beeline for Dan’s table.

“You’re fucking kidding me...now? Really?” He said, looking across at Oliver who was trying to hide his smirk. “I’m gonna kill you Oliver, you brought me here to butter me up.”

Oliver didn’t have a chance to reply as the five descended on Dan. Jonathan’s hands went immediately to Dan’s hair whilst Antoni picked at the leftover food on Dan’s plate.

“So you must be Dan huh?” Karamo said, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

Dan tried to relax his body as let out a loud laugh, hiding his face in his hands. “Yeah, I-I’m Dan.”

“We got the right one guys,” Jonathan said, ruffling Dan’s hair. “And his hair is in need of a serious makeover, did you use a literal iron on this honey?”

Dan was speechless and shook his head.

“Do you mind if we kidnap your friend for uh...about 4 days?” Tan said with a laugh, turning to Oliver.

“Be my guest,” Oliver said with a huge smile on his face.

_(“Are we finally getting to the part with me in it now?”_

_“At this rate no, I’m changing the video title to how I dumped my boyfriend instead.”)_

-

The fab five did _not_ like Dan’s flat. They spent the rest of the shoot at his place, roasting every little thing, from the fact that he hadn’t made his bed to the single chair at his tiny dining table in the living room. Dan mostly looked exasperatedly at them, and almost regretted letting himself get into this, but the thought of Bobby turning his home into _anything_ that wasn’t its current state kept him sane.

He somehow ended up in the kitchen, cornered by Antoni and Tan.

“So, do you like cooking? Can you cook?” Antoni asked.

Dan looked awkwardly around at the single saucepan he owned and rusty frying pan that lay on the draining board. “Uh...I think I’d like it if I could cook. The most I’m able to manage is a sad excuse for a stir fry and pasta.”

“Well it’s a start.” Antoni said, trying to hide the fear in his eyes as he glanced at Dan.

“I actually burnt pasta once. I uh- didn’t realise you have to add water to it and almost set the kitchen on fire.”

Antoni’s jaw dropped and he dropped to the floor. “You’re kidding me right?” He shouted dramatically, looking up at Dan. Tan was bent over, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

“No...I really am that bad at cooking.”

“Well I promise by the end of the week we’ll have you cooking like a pro. This whole week is to prepare you for coming out to your family right?”

Dan nodded slowly and scratched his head. “Yeah...still don’t know why I ever agreed to do this on television.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“Well, I’m gonna teach you to cook some great food and if in doubt just put the food in front of them, tell them, then make a quick exit.” Antoni chuckled.

Tan looked almost scandalised and hit Antoni on the arm. “It’s gonna be fine Dan, I promise you, don’t listen to him.”

They filmed on and off for about six hours, they all had individual interviews, that Dan wasn’t allowed to listen in to. Around 7pm, the director called for pack-up, and Dan let himself relax. The fab five stayed back to speak to him, get to know him, and he felt a lot more confident by then, so he asked them about previous seasons, about their own projects and things he’d only _dreamed_ of asking them. And right then, while Jonathan told him he was serious about taking away his straighteners, Dan saw him. 

( _It’s Phil Time!”_

 _“Yeah, I’m not doing this video anymore and it’s your fault, Phil.”_ )

He had the blackest hair ever, striking against Dan’s pale white walls. He was lifting a box, and Dan’s eyes went straight to his arms, and he was surprised he didn’t pass out. It wasn’t like this man was Jacked As Fuck, but he had nice, toned arms, some freckles here and there. Dan _loved_ freckles. He looked up slowly, and was greeted with blue, blue, blue eyes. 

“Dan? _Heeellooo?_ ” A hand came into his line of vision, blocking his view. He snapped out of it and looked at Jonathan. 

“Yeah?” Dan asked, blinking rapidly. 

“You kinda spaced out, what’re you looking a... _oh_ .” Jonathan turned and looked to where Dan was staring. He smirked and said, “I _see_. You gotta go talk to him! Phil is super nice and chill and totes cute.” 

Dan laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “What? No, no, I was looking at the camera equipment…I’ve always been interested in making my own videos or short films.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “ _Honey_. I know that look. You’ve got time! Make a move, shoot your shot.” He winked at Dan and walked away, just like that. 

He did not _shoot his shot_. In fact, Dan noticed that Mr. Phil Box Man had left the flat in that time, so he couldn’t have, even if he wanted to. 

And that was a wrap on day one. 

-

Since Bobby was working his magic on Dan’s flat, he had to bunk with Oliver. The two often bunked together, especially after night outs when they couldn’t be bothered with going to their own homes, and so were _very_ comfortable sharing a bed. 

“How was it?” Oliver asked excitedly, getting into the bed, in just his boxers. “Tell me everything, oh my god, did they roast you for being like, twenty-four and not knowing how to cook?”

Dan huffed. “As a matter of fact...they did.” He replied. “It was an honour! But it was good? Like, they’re super nice, and caring, and didn’t make me feel like a failure at all, even with the roasting. And we talked even when the cameras weren’t on, wasn’t expecting that.” He wondered if he should tell his best friend about Phil. He felt awfully like he was at a sleepover and was giggling about his school crush. 

“That’s so cool. I hope they call me on set again, I would _love_ to get to know Jonathan Van Ness, if you know what I mean.” He winked clumsily, and Dan laughed. 

“Yeah, he was great. Actually, I...saw this _guy_ -”

“A _guy_? Today? Who is it, where did you see him, what was he like -”

Suddenly, Oliver was sitting up and grabbing Dan’s arms and shaking him excitedly, like an overgrown puppy. Dan laughed, and shook his head and said, “ _Calm down_ , I’ll tell you!” He took a deep breath and continued, “He’s just someone on set, I saw him lift a box.”

“And popped a boner, I presume.”

“No! That happened once, can you let it _go_? His name’s Phil. Too pretty to be real, honestly.” He thought back to seeing Phil earlier, and he was sure his face looked dreamy and ridiculous, but he didn’t care at this point. Oliver had seen him in worse situations. 

“Did you talk to this Phil? Is he good enough for you? He better be.” Oliver tried to crack his knuckles threateningly, but failed. 

Dan rolled his eyes. “No, I haven’t spoken to him yet. Gay panicked a little bit.” 

Oliver pouted, lay down and looped his arms around Dan’s waist. “Tomorrow’s a new day.” He said.

“Oh no,” Dan groaned. “Call-time is like, 9 o’clock. I’m not going to survive.” 

Oliver cuddled closer and said, “Well then, we better sleep now. Worry about your Phil tomorrow, loverboy. Goodnight, hope I don’t wake up with your morning wood in my back.” 

“ _Stop_.”

-

Dan had been told to be ready for 9am the next day which was probably the earliest he’d ever voluntarily gotten up in months. Tan had come knocking on the door and before Dan knew it he was in the car and was being driven into the centre of Manchester.

“So do you have any interest in clothes or do you just wear what you like?” Tan asked in the car.

Dan shrugged. “I tend to stick with black, it’s a pretty safe option. I wish I had the budget for high end clothes.” He chuckled.

Their first stop was AllSaints. Dan’s dream store. 

“Why don’t you pick out a few items you like and I’ll pick some I like and we’ll see what I can work with?”

Dan nodded and began browsing the store, coming back to Tan holding a pair of black jeans, a black and white striped t shirt and an edgy looking black biker jacket.

Tan looked at him almost sympathetically, eyeing the pile of black clothes in Dan’s hands. “So I’m sensing a lot of black.” He said, chuckling awkwardly. “And that’s fine sweetie, but I thought we could do something different. You can still wear your monochrome but we can make it fashionable. So I picked up this dark grey shirt with some white detailing and I thought we could be bold and try an all white shirt too.”

Dan looked at him, completely speechless. “Yeah...yeah, guess there’s no harm in trying.”

After what Dan can only describe as an ordeal, 2 hours later he was released from Tan’s fashionable hands and was allowed a lunch break before spending the afternoon with Karamo. 

Karamo was every bit as kind and motivational and sweet in person as he was on screen. They had spent the afternoon with a local theatre company watching them rehearse and perform. It had been Dan’s dream since he was 8 to perform in plays and be on a stage but certain obstacles had stopped it from happening. It wasn’t until they were in the car on the way back to Oliver’s flat that Karamo questioned him more.

“So when you started high school you just stopped?”

Dan nodded. “I’d heard the word gay being thrown around in reference to these boys who were in a drama club and I just told my mum I wanted to stop going to drama class. I didn’t want to be called gay or singled out for any reason.”

“But you’re out now aren’t you? To friends and people at work-”

“Yeah. The people closest to me know, except my parents and grandparents.” He chuckled awkwardly. “That’s why I’m doing this, I feel in a good place to come out to them now and I want to show them I have my life together even after dropping out of uni.”

“Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, you should own it. Make it a part of who you are.” Karamo replied reassuringly.

“Well that’s what I’m trying to do.” Dan said as they pulled up outside Oliver’s flat. On a small patch of grass the rest of the film crew were packing up their equipment. Dan spotted him immediately. Black hair standing out against the crowd, it was all Dan could do to not stare at him.

He tried to casually get out of the car, flattening down his hair as he walked up the path towards the block of flats. He stopped in front of the crew and the director walked over to him. “We got some good stuff today, you okay to start at 9 again tomorrow?” 

“Uh sure. Of course.” Dan nodded, not really paying much attention, his eyes drifting off to watch Phil as he packed away some camera equipment. 

“See you tomorrow Dan.” Karamo called as Dan headed inside.

“Oh sure. Thanks for today Karamo.” He said with a wave before turning to head into the building. Of course Dan being Dan he tripped on apparently nothing, catching himself just in time before face planting the floor. He paused, taking a moment to compose himself before daring to turn round and see if anyone had seen. It was just his luck that it seemed that Phil had been the only one who saw it. He mentally cursed himself as he rushed inside, before anything else could happen.

-

Dan spent the first half of the day with Jonathan. It was 9 in the morning, but still way too early for his liking. When the cameras started rolling, Jonathan asked him, “So like, what’s your hair story? Is it naturally straight, have you always had the early 2000s Pete Wentz swoop, what’s _up_?”

“Uh, actually,” Dan replied nervously fixing his fringe, “my hair’s naturally really curly, especially when it gets wet. Yeah,” he laughed at Jonathan’s jaw dropping. “I hate it though, I look like a fucking hobbit.” 

“So every day, you…”

“I straighten my hair, yes.”

He’d never seen Jonathan look so scandalised, and he couldn’t tell if he was being more dramatic for the cameras or what (Although, having spent some time with him off-camera, he knew it was probably real). “That is unacceptable!” He exclaimed. “You’ve been murdering your gorgeous hair and we _cannot_ allow that to continue!” 

Dan gulped, honestly dreading what was to come.

-

It was with the feeling of the wind on his exposed forehead that Dan was driven back to his flat, that he hadn’t seen in four days. Honestly, now that his hair was dried and styled, he didn’t _hate_ his little curls, even playing with the tiniest one that fell on his forehead slightly. 

Jonathan and him got out of the car. The director called to cut the scene, and Dan looked back at him confused. “Aren’t we going up?” He asked. 

“Haven’t got the okay to go,” the director replied. “We’ll have to wait just a bit.” 

There were a few crew members with them, most of whom came up to Dan and complimented his hair, and he actually felt his confidence go up. Maybe Queer Eye worked! 

The front door to the building opened and of _course_ Phil walked out, with his gorgeous long legs and his stupid shiny hair and twinkly blue eyes. He went to the director and said something and then looked right at Dan, his eyes going wide as he probably took in the new look. Dan turned away quickly, in a failed attempt to not look like he was already staring at Phil. 

He must’ve looked really flustered, because Jonathan definitely noticed. “You okay, sweetie?” He asked, looking around Dan to see what caused his distraction. “ _Oh_.” He smirked. “You know what, I won’t even bother telling you to go talk to him.”

“Wh-why not?”

“Because he’s coming to you.” 

“ _What_?”

Dan looked at Jonathan pleadingly, eyes wide, trying to make him stop backing away, smiling mischievously, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

“Hi, Dan?” 

Dan looked up to the heavens above and prayed to the god he absolutely did _not_ believe in to stop him from making a fool of himself. Turning around, he smiled stupid wide, and was almost knocked off his feet from how beautiful Phil was up close. 

“Uh,” he said. Great job. He cleared his throat. “Yes - yeah, that’s me! Dan! What’s up?” He did two awkward finger guns, and instantly slapped his forehead internally, wanting the earth to swallow him whole. 

Phil looked like he was fighting a smile, and said, “Hi, I’m Phil, I’m a runner. Uh, the director sent me to you to tell you that you’ve been swearing a lot? And they have to obviously censor it all, but it’s apparently so excessive that it’s going to add time to editing that could be avoided so...essentially what he said is, it’d be great if you could tone it down.”

Dan must’ve looked like he was on drugs because Phil frowned and said, “Dan? Sorry, did you hear me?”

“What? Oh, oh yeah! No more swearing, got it,” Dan said quickly, willing himself to stop panicking. _You stupid gay fuck. Get it together! He’s just a guy! You’re better than this!_

Phil grinned. “Cool. Also, nice hair! I like the uh…” He twirled his finger around his own head.

“Thank you! It’s all natural,” Dan replied. 

“Really? It’s cu-it suits you a lot.” He chuckled, maybe a little nervously. “So, how are you liking being a hero?”

They continued talking for a bit about the guys and Phil teased the renovated flat (Dan realised that Phil had _been in his flat_ and immediately repressed it - dealing with that much later). They had just started a discussion on different types of cameras to shoot different things, when the voice of the director came booming towards them, calling for the cameras to start rolling. 

“Dan, Jonathan! Back in the car, we’ll start from there!” 

-

The flat was honestly unrecognisable. Bobby had somehow read Dan’s mind and designed the whole flat with a monochrome theme. His bedroom looked like something from a catalogue. Soft grey sheets with a large mirror on one wall, and above his bed, a mirror in the shape of a moon. It was perfect.

“So, what do you think? Does it fit with your aesthetic?” Bobby asked, as they all sat in the newly decorated lounge.

“It definitely does.” Dan said, looking around wide eyed. “I can’t believe you did all this in 4 days? It looks like a totally different place.”

“And you look like a totally different Dan, honey!” Jonathan cooed, reaching his hand out to ruffle Dan’s curls.

They all laughed as Dan tried to take in the overwhelming amount of change he had just been subjected to. 

“Do you feel ready? To come out to your family tomorrow, that’s the most important thing.” Karamo asked.

Dan sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I mean, no not really but I feel in a better place. I think it’s time I shared this part of my life with them.”

Tan reached out and rested his hand on Dan’s knee. “Well, we’re all rooting for you. I think this new Dan is more ready than he realises.”

The next half hour was an emotional blur of hugs and tears (from Jonathan.) It was surreal to think that just 4 days ago Dan was living in a half empty flat and had pushed the thoughts of coming out to his family to the back of his mind. And now here he was, more confident and more secure and less than 24 hours away from sharing something he had kept hidden for so many years.

The cameras stopped rolling and as quickly as they had arrived, the crew began putting the equipment away leaving Dan to chat to the fab 5. He found it hard to pay much attention to what they were saying though when Phil was stood right in front of him helping the director ensure that everything had been done. It was stupid really, he’d had one conversation with Phil and already his heart was pining at the thought of saying goodbye.

He needn’t have worried though, as in amidst the rush of hugging the fab 5 and saying their emotional goodbyes and wishing Dan good luck, Phil must have left the flat and gone back outside to join the crew. Probably for the best, Dan would have just made a fool of himself anyway.

-

It wasn’t until that evening when Dan crawled into bed at 11pm that he spotted a piece of paper, lodged under a coaster on his bedside table. He looked at it, confused, as he unfolded it and he felt his heart drop down into his stomach. There was a number scrawled across the top and underneath the words.

_‘Phil lester - for when you wanna talk about cameras ;)’_

A grin spread over Dan’s face as he clutched the note to his chest and lay back on his bed. All was not lost, he hadn’t completely fucked things up as he had presumed he had.

He reached for his phone and immediately typed in Phil’s number, saving it to his contacts. He went onto his messages and wrote one out.

 **To: Phil** **  
** Hi its dan. From the show. Not just some randomer :p

He stared at the screen, thumb hovering over the send button before almost instantly deleting the message and locking his phone. He was desperate but not that desperate.

_(“I was so smooth wasn’t I? Leaving that note for you to find?”_

_“Only if you call not giving me your number in person smooth then sure.”_

_“As if you were any better? Trying to act all cool by not texting me the same day?”_

_“Shut up and let me carry on with the story.”)_

-

It had lasted probably about 15 minutes in total but to Dan it had felt like 15 hours. He breathed a sigh of relief when his mum came over and embraced him in a tight hug and suddenly all of Dan’s worry about coming to his family washed away. 

His grandma gave him a peck on the cheek and ruffled his hair, told him she was glad he was finally able to be his most authentic self and hoped he’d be happier now. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed at the same time. It was if when he’d finally said the words “i’m gay” out loud in front of his family a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and this new, more confident Dan could emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

_(“Why do you have to make it sound so dramatic?”_

_“Because I’m telling a story Phil. I am conveying feelings through metaphors.”)_

He climbed into bed that night feeling more happy and fulfilled than he had in a long time. He pulled out his phone, typed a message out to Phil and locked his phone, not bothering to wait for a reply.

 **To: Phil**  
Hi, its dan. Came out to my family today lol. Although you probably already knew that seeing as you work on the show. I’d love to talk about cameras with you some time :)

-

Over the next 2 weeks Dan sent Phil approximately 7 messages to which he received no reply. 

**To: Phil**  
Hey! Just checking in haha  
this IS phil lester from queer eye right? like the runner  
If its not can you pls forget i said that 

**To: Phil**  
omg it just occurred to me that you could totally be dead  
rip if you are

 **To: Phil**  
okay maybe i’ve got the wrong number but it WOULD be nice to get that confirmation u know  
its rude to just not reply  
i see that these messages are delivering so 

(“ _Okay, I’m not sharing anymore, this is embarrassing.”_

_“Nooo, tell them about the one where you said you miss my bl-”_

_“Moving on!”_ )

Honestly, Dan lost all faith after that, and he hated himself for being a pining mess. They hadn’t even spoke to each other that much! It was one day of conversation! 

“I don’t like this,” Oliver complained one day, when he caught Dan sneaking a look at his phone, hoping in vain that Phil had finally replied. “This _Phil_ has got you acting pathetic!”

“Wow, thanks mate.”

“Would you disagree? No, look, you were just on Queer Eye, you came out to your family, you’re a new person! We should be celebrating!” He shook Dan by the shoulders. “Get your pretty self into one of those expensive outfits Tan France bought you. We are going out.” 

-

It was past 10 when they arrived at the bar. Dan had chosen to wear his new button up shirt with cherry blossoms on it after getting the seal of approval from Oliver. The music was loud and there were crowds of sweaty people dancing that Dan tried to avoid as they made their way to the bar.

Oliver ordered them some drinks. 2 vodka and cokes that were downed as quickly as they had been made.

“If you’re trying to get me drunk you’re going the right way about it.” Dan commented, making a start on the second drink Oliver had pushed into his hands.

“You need to forget about this bellend called Phil ( _“I’m gonna be having words with Oliver later”_ ). He hasn’t messaged you back so he’s clearly not worth your time and energy. Plus I’m fed up of you whining and moping around as if your pet fish has just died.”

Dan scowled at him as he sipped his drink. “He’s not a bellend. You don’t even know him!”

“I know enough. Now shut up and drink.” He said, sliding a shot of tequila in front of Dan.

It didn’t take long for Dan to get suitably tipsy. All thoughts of the masses of sweaty people in the club were gone as Dan stood in the middle of them all dancing his heart out. Oliver was pleased, at least he wasn’t thinking about Phil anymore (although at this stage he probably wasn’t thinking about many things), he thought as he watched Dan push his way through the crowd, not caring if he knocked someone over as he made his way back to the bar.

“Need air! I think my sweat is sweating.” Dan said, leaning against Oliver’s arm, rubbing his sweaty forehead on Oliver’s shoulder.

Oliver grimaced and helped Dan stand up as he half carried/half dragged Dan outside into the cold air. He stood by the door as he watched Dan fumble with his phone before bringing it to his ear.

“Woah, woah, who the fuck are you calling mate?” Oliver said, rushing over to Dan.

Dan held up his index finger and pushed it against Oliver’s lips. “I’m on the phone, shut up.”

The person on the other end presumably answered as Dan started talking.

“Yeah, hello Phil. I just wanted to call and let you know that I am absolutely not pining over you in any way at all. Not one bit.”

Oliver’s face turned white as he reached out to try and grab the phone from Dan’s hand. Dan however seemed to catch on to what he was doing and walked further and further away from him.

“I just thought we had a connection Phil? We talked about cameras? You said you liked my hair and I said I loved your bright blue eyes...or maybe I thought that bit...I can’t remember.”

“....Dan? Are you - are you drunk?” 

“No,” Dan said impatiently. “What do you have to say for yourself, young man?”

Phil sounded like he was stifling a laugh. “Uh, I’m sorry? We did have a connection, you know, I loved chatting about cameras for a bit.” 

“Hmph. Goodbye, Phil.” Dan didn’t bother cutting the call, but he dropped his hand that was holding the phone. He pouted at Oliver, who was looking at him incredulously. “I’ve got my closure,” Dan stated. “But _also_ . He was so _fine_ , why’d he have to be so pretty? Like, his stupid eyes! And that accent, what was that? It’s like he was doing it on purpose. Fucking _boy_ , I hate it I hate it -”

“Dan.” Oliver said insistently. 

“His _hair_. Looked soft, wanted to touch just a little -”

“ _Dan!_ ” 

“Glad that’s over, haha -”

“He’s still on the line!” Oliver took his arm and held it up, showing him that indeed, Phil was still on the line and had probably heard everything he’d just said. 

“Oh, shit!” Dan exclaimed, panicking. He quickly pushed the End Call button. He groaned, his head now swimming a little bit. 

-

Dan woke up in Oliver’s bed the next morning. Well, what he presumed to be Oliver’s bed anyway because Dan definitely did not have a Harry Styles poster on his bedroom wall. He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up, a headache beginning to creep across his forehead. Oliver was lying next to him and it wasn’t until the room came into focus that he realised they were both half naked and sleeping the wrong way round on the bed.

He scanned around looking for his jeans and pulled out his phone from the pocket. _One New Message. From: Phil._ Dan’s heart dropped and he dropped the phone to the floor. 

“Shit, shit, shit. Oliver, he messaged me.” Dan said, harshly prodding him in the stomach.

“Who’s messaged you?”

“Phil. Who else you twat. Wake up.”

Oliver reluctantly pulled himself up, yawned and rubbed his eyes.

“Well what’s it say?”

“Don’t know. Haven’t opened it yet.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “Well open it then you twat.” He said sarcastically.

 **To: Dan** ****  
You’re cute when you’re drunk  
Also i’d totally let you touch my hair if you wanted. I just use regular shampoo

“Well, at least you didn’t totally scare him off. He still seems into you, god knows why.” Oliver said, handing the phone back to Dan.

“He called me cute! What do you say to that? Thanks?”

“Flirt back. Or do...something. I don’t know.” he yawned, climbing back under the duvet and hugging the pillow.

“You’re useless.”

Dan left Oliver to sleep and pulled on his grey ‘sexual fantasies’ jumper before walking into the lounge. He switched on the TV (some old episode of _Homes Under The Hammer_ was playing) and sat down, staring at his phone.

He was still staring at his phone an hour later when Oliver emerged and peered over his shoulder.

“Still not replied?”

“I don’t know what to say. What if I say something stupid?”

Oliver didn’t even respond, just simply grabbed Dan’s phone from his hand, typed a message before handing the phone back to Dan.

“I- what the fuck? What did you say?”

 **To: Phil** **  
** You wanna go on a date sometime? I’m free next friday

“I am literally going to shove a spoon up your ass you dick.” Dan replied, typing another message out.

 **To: Phil** **  
** THAT WAS MY FRIEND! IGNORE HIM

The reply from Phil was almost instant.

 **To: Dan** **  
** Oh but i wanted to take you out for pizza :(

 **To: Phil** **  
** O-okay

 **To: Dan** **  
** Did u just stutter on text?

-

_(“You’d think after the wonderful Tan France fixed my life, picking out an outfit to wear on my first date with Phil would be a piece of cake, right? Easy peasy. Well. You would be disappointed.”_

_“As would Tan France.”_

_“Shut up!”)_

Dan was overwhelmed. He was staring at all his nice, new clothes and he still felt like he had nothing to wear. He picked out a top, stared at it until it looked ugly, then hung it back. Repeat, about five times. 

“Get it together, mate,” he told himself. “It’s not rocket science. It’s clothes. Remember what Tan told you.” He couldn’t for the life of him remember anything but the French tuck. 

In the end, he pulled out a plain black t-shirt and a new leather jacket Tan had bought for him, a replacement for his old, worn out one. It was shiny black and fit him perfectly, as did the black jeans that cut off at his ankles. Jonathan had actually taken away his straighteners, so he’d been rocking his curls for a while now, and although he hated to admit it, he actually kinda liked them. 

He looked at himself in the full length mirror before he headed off and okay, he had to admit it - he looked good. Like a snack, even. He nodded at his reflection and left the flat, before he could change his mind about everything. 

Phil had sent Dan the location for the restaurant. When he got there, he was greeted by a simply decorated Italian restaurant, all reds and browns. The walls had paintings by Italian artists on them, and there weren’t a lot of people, for it being around dinnertime. He was on time, so he looked around for Phil, hoping he was already there, so Dan didn’t look desperate. 

There - at a table for two by the window - Dan recognised Phil’s face, even though it had been a while since they’d seen each other. He walked towards him and Phil looked at him, grinning instantly. He stood up and waved at Dan.

Phil looked incredible. He was wearing a nice fitted denim jacket over a grey jumper, that worked so well with his wide shoulders, and ripped skinny jeans. 

_(“5 minutes I spent picking that outfit. 5! I looked great!”_

_“Yeah, okay no need to brag Phil.”)_

Dan noticed that on his feet he had on shoes with possibly the planet Mars on them. But what _really_ made Dan almost trip over his own feet was Phil’s hair. 

“Forehead.” Dan blurted, the second they were in front of each other.

 _Idiot_. “I - I mean,” he stuttered, “your hair. It looks different.” He had to try not to slap his own forehead. Phil had his hair styled, the fringe usually almost covering his eyes now a quiff.

Phil raised an eyebrow and bit his lower lip, obviously fighting a smile, looking cute as fuck doing it. “Thank you, I think? Yeah, I put it up for special occasions. D’you wanna sit?”

Dan sat down opposite him, giddy because he’s a _special occasion_. A waiter came to their table and handed them two menus. 

“So what’re you feeling?” Dan asked. “You’re not a vegetarian, are you? No judgment if you are!”

“God, no. I _am_ lactose intolerant though.” 

Dan stared at him. “That’s awful!” He said. 

“I know! All my favourite things have dairy in them. Pizza, milkshakes, cereal... _milk_.” Phil pouted and Dan nearly died. It was too much. He wasn’t going to make it. 

Phil was great at conversation. And a good listener. And he was funny. They talked non-stop about everything under the sun all through dinner. Dan asked Phil how he got the _Queer Eye_ gig, and Phil asked Dan about university and his family. He listened attentively to Dan and asked all the right questions. He said he would love to meet Oliver, which made Dan feel warm, and also made his heart beat faster because that meant Phil...wanted to know Dan long enough to meet his best friend, but he’d said it so casually as well, and God, Dan liked him so much already, it was dangerous. 

Dan already felt like he knew everything about Phil in just three hours - that’s how long they’d stayed at the restaurant. Which is why it hurt just a little when Phil said he had to leave. 

“I feel bad leaving but I’m going to visit my parents tomorrow and I have to catch an early train.”

_Great. And he visited his parents regularly. Could he get any more perfect?_

“No, no, it's fine. I have to go too. I should uh...head to bed.”

Phil insisted on paying the bill and before Dan knew it they were stood outside the restaurant facing each other, neither one seeming to want to say goodbye.

“I had a really nice time tonight.” Phil said sweetly. “Do yo-”

Phil was interrupted by Dan leaning in and pressing a light kiss to his lips. Phil stood there in a stunned silence whilst Dan buried his face in his hands.

“Oh my god, fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t- well, I did but I should have asked first or something I-”

“It’s fine. Relax Dan.” He chuckled. “I was gonna ask, do you wanna do this again?”

“What, the kissing or the pizza?”

“I meant the pizza.” Phil replied, no hint of a smile on his face.

Dan’s face dropped and he tried not to look too disappointed. “Oh. Oh yeah, yeah sure. That’d be-”

It was Dan’s turn to be interrupted as Phil leant in and pressed a kiss to his lips, giggling as he pulled away.

“You’re too easy to mess with.”

Dan pouted at him, trying to stop the smile from spreading across his face as Phil let out a loud laugh, his tongue poking through between his teeth. There was no way this was going to be the last time he’d see Phil. He’d make sure of it.

-

Five months later, the new season of _Queer Eye_ was released. To say Dan was nervous was an understatement. 

The morning of, he put on a jumper and padded into the living room. Immediately, he noticed Netflix on the TV and a tray of breakfast on the coffee table - stack of pancakes and a mug of steaming hot coffee. He smiled at it, knowing exactly who’d done it. 

“Good morning,” Phil murmured in his ear, coming up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. He kissed Dan’s temple. “Are you ready?”

Dan leaned into him and shook his head. “No, not really. But I’m glad you’re here with me.” They walked to the sofa together, and plopped down. Phil brought the tray up and set it on his own lap. “Wait, that’s not for me?” Dan asked, offended. 

Phil ate a forkful of pancake and looked at him like he was stupid. “No, of course not.” 

“Wow.” 

“Just kidding, I made enough for both of us. Here, let me feed you.” 

“Last time that happened you got ice cream all down my shirt so apologies if I decline the offer.”

The past five months had been pure bliss. Since their first date, there had been very few days that Dan and Phil had _not_ spent together. In fact, Phil had already been sleeping over for a whole weekend before this morning, and Dan was loving the feeling of waking up next to him, seeing his face first thing. 

Eventually, Phil got Dan to press play on the show. The theme song and seeing the fab 5 on screen sent Dan all the way back to that week that they’d spent together, and how much it actually did mean to him. 

“I miss them,” Dan said, cuddling into Phil’s arms, settling in. 

“Same. I got a really good paycheque for that job, you know.” 

Dan rolled his eyes. Of _course_ . He ignored Phil’s comment, and concentrated on the screen. It was so surreal - it didn’t feel like he was watching something he’d already experienced at all. Sure, there was Oliver during his interview, cutting into Dan talking, cutting to the guys commenting on his lifestyle. There they were hugging Dan for the first time, judging his flat and Antoni being horrified at the burnt pasta story and Karamo giving him confidence about coming out to his family. It may sound weird, but Dan could _see_ how much he was changing as each day passed and how much of a difference they made. 

Phil gave him some behind-the-scenes stories too, like, “Oh, did you know that I actually helped Bobby paint the feature wall right behind us?” and, “that box! Is that the one you saw me pick up, do you think?” 

_(“I never should’ve told you that, your head’s gotten too big.”_

_“You love it. You wanna see me lift_ more _boxes.”_

_“....Alright.”)_

He heard Phil sniffle during the last ten minutes of the episode, when he was talking to the guys until the part where he came out to his parents. His own eyes stung a little, but he didn’t cry. It wasn’t until the credits started rolling that he realised that his cheeks hurt from smiling so wide for so long. 

“Wow,” Phil breathed. 

“Yeah.” 

“Can you believe that between all those clips, you were being a little panicky baby gay?”

“Fuck you, Phil.” 

“Let’s go, Daniel!” 

They wrestled on the sofa, until they were breathless and Dan was laughing into Phil’s neck, and he was the happiest he’d possibly ever been in his whole life.

-

_“That story was great and all but it could have used some more dogs.”_

_“Why would I lie and add in dogs for the sake of it? Anyway, what are you doing here, this is my video?”_

_“Well I’m in it too! Your viewers should get to hear my side of the story too!”_

_“Then make your own channel!”_

_“Ooh, I could call it Fantastic Phil.”_

_Dan rolled his eyes and stared at the camera despairingly. “Right. Moving on. Thank you so much for watching this video, I’ve been filming for- wow almost 50 minutes now. This is gonna take some serious editing.” He chuckled. “I hope this has inspired you to go out there and live your truth and be the gay hero of your own story. There’s a lot you don’t see that goes on behind the scenes of filming Queer Eye and it was...well it was an experience. Do you have any parting words Phil?”_

_“Yes. Before cooking pasta make sure you put water in the saucepan.”_

_“I meant like, some actual pearls of wisdom you twat.”_

_“Don’t disappoint Tan France. Or he will literally murder you.”_

_Dan elbowed him, pushing Phil out of shot before smiling back at the camera and saluting. “Goodbye ya’ bunch of queers!”_

_“Oh, oh, drunk call your crush, they’ll find it super cute!”_

**Author's Note:**

> [charlotte's twt](http://twitter.com/danhoweIIs)!  
> [fizz's twt](http://twitter.com/tayIuvr)!


End file.
